TBT... on a Saturday

Consider this a friendly warning... this song will be stuck in your head FOREVER!  I saw this video clip about a week ago.  It was posted by The Soup (pretty much the only show I watch).  And anytime my mind had a chance to wander since then, it's popped back into it.

It's pretty much the most amazing combination of a great PSA (public service announcement) involving a stuffed chicken, a dance crew wearing MC Hammer's favorite pants who only know how to do the Kid'N Play move, and a sweet folk singer who seems a little creepy hanging out at the playground with no kids.

Enjoy the Greatness!

why oh why do I do what I do...

From time to time people jokingly mention how excessive my activity level is.  My favorite remark is that if I'm not burning the candle at both ends and twice in the middle I must be on my death bed.  But to be honest, I'm just one of those people that really likes to be busy.  This doesn't mean I'm incapable of sitting back and relaxing.  I do that too.  I will sit on my back deck and watch my boys run and jump in the pool, or we'll go camping and leave all technology behind.  But on a day-to-day basis I like to keep in motion.

I think this has always been the case for me.  When we moved to the west coast it seemed to get worse.  Our move to Whidbey Island, Washington was a result of the Navy base in Brunswick, Maine closing.  We were fortunate to be able to choose such a picturesque spot to call home, but I found myself missing all my friends and family.  I hadn't moved anywhere with the military, and really hadn't been outside of Maine, aside from my first three years of life in New York and then a short stint in Keene, New Hampshire for my Dietetic Internship.

So here I sat without my usual Thursday night of dance classes (and the dinner and beer afterwards), no shifts at Joshua's Tavern, and no sporadic days of work at Parkview Adventist Medical Center to cover for the regular Dietitian.  I was bored.  I hate bored.  "Only boring people get bored".  I was lonely too.  I hate lonely.  I tried to make friends, but I honestly stink at meeting new people.  It irritates me the amount of small talk you have to endure just to get to a point where you can figure out whether you want to spend any real time with these new people.  What a waste!  Over the years, incidentally, I've reverted back to my old "shock and awe" campaign whereby I say something completely intimate and somewhat ridiculous when I first meet people and then judge their expression to determine whether I've scared them (no friend potential), drinking it in (friend possibility), or invite you to hang out (BFF).

So here I sat in a new location, with essentially no intimate friends, and suddenly my husband was gone.  And then he was home for a millisecond, and then he was gone again... and let's just put that theme on repeat for the past 4.5 years.  I'd like to say this is an exaggeration.  But my family was seriously starting to think I had buried my husband in the backyard because he was never to be seen.  And my friends actually started acting surprised if they heard that he was home.  If there is a short-end of any stick to be drawn, he'll get it.  I take comfort in knowing that he is just really good at his job, and of course they want him doing important things somewhere overseas - but naturally I choose to tease him about his inability to give a good blow job or his pheromones that smell of wide open prison ass being the reason they don't want him around the hangar.  Teasing is my wifely duty, one I take very seriously.  I think it's sad when marriages lack sense of humor.  Seems dull to me.

So I started doing things.  Soooooo many different things.  I didn't want to have all this time on my hands.  I didn't want to be bored and start missing my husband - because there's nothing you can do about his job demands and missing him doesn't make it any better; it just makes you angry.

We were living in a rental house at the time.  So all my tools were collecting dust.

My eldest sister was chatting with me one day.  She had recently opened up her own salon (Oasis Salon, Presque Isle, Maine) after what... 80 years working for other salons?  Jeez, she looks good for her age  ;)   and she would kill me if she read this.  She asked if I had ever made body products.  Nope.  They kind of scared me.  I had been making candles for 5 years at this point, but nobody was rubbing soy wax on their body unless they were into some kinky S&M relationship.  They scared me because I certainly didn't want to craft something that someone didn't like on their body or that made them itchy, etc.  But I also was intrigued.  I started researching.  I researched oils, butters, herbal ingredients, preservatives, cosmeceuticals, you name it.  Clearly I had the time, so why not?  In the end I crafted a few products so she could offer her clients unique products for their lavish pedicures.  But it was a new endeavor to fill up some of my time, and Uforya.com was born, with more than enough room to grow and keep me motivated.

I applied to go back to school.  I had always wanted a Master's degree but didn't think I wanted it in Nutrition.  I thought maybe a complimentary field would be better (back when I was wrapping up my Bachelor's degre) - but at this point in my life I actually wanted to continue with Nutrition and really hone my knowledge and skills in that realm.  So from September 2011 to April 2014 I was a full-time graduate student.

In February 2012 we bought our house.  Now this was my kind of project.  It was a foreclosure that was literally 1/10th of a mile from our rental.  It has been one of my favorite projects so far - certainly keeping me plenty busy as it just needed some TLC in every room, on every wall and every floor, and then some.

A few months back now, having my Master's degree under my belt, I applied for and was hired on as the Dietitian at a senior community long-term care facility.  In addition to that I also took on a few freelance writing projects, writing up reports and nutrition tips on every topic you can imagine - and some topics that were so horrifically dumb I wished I'd never agreed to them.

Bored Now?  No way!  Quite the opposite.  I've got something I could be doing at any second of any day.  Some consider me to be Type A.  Like I'm somehow neurotic and don't know how to relax.  I don't think that's quite the case.  If I want to relax I have every opportunity, and I indulge from time to time.  It just so happens that my style of coping with my husband's non-stop detachments (deployments where only portions of the squadron leave) is a little more productive than most.

I'm not mad at someone who deals with their separation by pining for their missing partner, but that's just not my style.  I don't watch tv, aside from the occasional late night show when I'm going to bed... I <3 The Soup on E!  All these reality [garbage] shows irritate me.  I hate listening to people singing on shows just to win some sort of music contract that they haven't spent years in the trenches to earn.  I don't do much pleasure reading.  I honestly hadn't read anything fiction in years because I was so wrapped up in textbooks... that is until the 50 Shades of Grey movie trailer came out and I seriously then had to indulge in that trilogy.  Holy Crap!  I mean that stuff takes "pleasure" reading to a whole new level...  but I digress.

I'm a worker.  I like to keep busy.  And when my husband is gone, I miss a little adult conversation from time to time, which is what I occasionally use my blog for - like the most ridiculous sort of diary.  I don't do it because I think people will actually read what I write - because my life is not exactly a "page-turner".  But I do secretly hope some who stumble across it might find something they could do to occupy their time if they're feeling lonely - and maybe they'll stop pinning things and starting doing these things.  Maybe they'll see some project I worked on and think they could do that too.

There is no perfect time to start your life.  Imagine if I had waited for my boys to both be in school, or for my husband to be home to support me and grant me uninterrupted time to work on my hobbies.  I'd still be waiting... and look at all that wouldn't have been accomplished... and imagine how many useless hours would have been spent sitting on the porch watching the grass grow. 

Major Design Flaw

When the weather permits, and the boys aren't dragging their feet, we walk my 5-year-old to school.  It's not quite a 1/2 mile each way so it would seem like an easy task.  Typically before we even get out of sight of the house, my 3-year-old is asking me to carry him.  When I refer to him as my husband's "mini-me", I'm not joking.  I'm pretty sure if I had the ability to carry my spouse home from the playground, he would ask for it as well.  I can't decide if it's a touch of laziness or if he just wants me to hold him [my 3-year-old, not my husband].  Somehow, though we always manage to make it to the school on time.  My kindergartner won't let me kiss him anymore, as he has to look cool in front of the other kids, so I have to sneak in my sweet lovin' before we get to the school grounds.  He runs off to play before the whistle blows to line up.  Now you would think that at this point we could leave, since my doddler typically takes a solid century to walk home.  But no, my 3-year-old will not leave the school fence until every single kid is inside.  We will watch his brother go in and you would think this was all he was waiting for.  Nope.  He's like the playground police.  Wants to make sure every straggling kid makes it in the door before we head out.

So what is my point?  Well, yes I'm a little long-winded about our routine on school days because it occupies a lot of my time and energy 2-3 days a week.  What I've noticed on these school days, is that a little bit of poor planning went into the design of the exit strategy for this elementary school.  Clearly I've shown that I have plenty of time to analyze the situation while I wait for my youngest to be ready to leave.  Alright, the school parking lot is a little ridiculous.  It is set up well, in that you pull into the lot, drive down a lane on the right, turn left into the parking area, and when you're ready to leave you continue out the other side of the parking area and continue on out of the school grounds (so you sort of make a circle).  This should work well for traffic flow.  It gets backed up a little at the entrance as children are crossing the street, so there is an understandable wait while this happens.  The real issue is that the lane you enter the school grounds on, also doubles as the exit lane for buses.  It's plenty wide for this to be accomplished.  Buses are given priority where the lanes comes back together, but some parent's decide that their time is too valuable to sit in the line waiting to get out, so they hop in line with the buses in the hopes of gaining priority as well.  This is a huge pet-peeve of mine.  The area is clearly labeled showing the appropriate traffic flow, but those who choose to ignore the signs (because the universe revolves around them), throw a wrench into things, slowing down the natural process.  It kind of makes me want to grind my teeth, and this is when I'm not even waiting in my car.  Apparently this bothers other parents too, as they are so stressed in dealing with this at the end of the school day, that they can't even wait until they get home to light up their cigarette.  Classy.  I think I'd rather pull my hair out and have a permanent eye twitch than subject my children to the effects of my nasty habit - but that's just me.

In addition to major issues with traffic patterns, there is a small issue (I feel) with the sidewalk.  I love love love that the sidewalk is wide enough for approximately 6 kids to walk side-by-side.  This works out great when everyone is getting out of school and there is a rush of people all trying to get off the property.  When we arrived at our first day of school, one piece of advice provided by a school official was to encourage kids to walk along the fence which would keep them as far as possible from the area where parents are driving out of the parking lot.  Of course!  This makes perfect sense.  Should be easy enough, especially since there's so much room.  Now does anybody else see why this might prove a little bit difficult with curious kids?  Do we really need a yellow stripe indicating where the edge of the sidewalk is?  Somehow we manage to stay off the street when we walk around the neighborhood, and none of our sidewalks have this stripe.  Is it to indicate not to park there?  A sign might help with that, or perhaps a little common sense.  Now maybe some children/parents really need that stripe there to act as a warning, but I can't believe that my preschooler is the only one who thinks it makes a great balance beam.

I love my kindergartner's school.  Love his teacher.  Especially love that he really likes going and learning new things.  But sort of wish that parents would set a better example at least while they're on the school grounds, and that maybe the stripe be scraped off the sidewalk - though I'm sure he would still like to walk on that part just to test fate.

The Dirty Dietitian

Where oh where has my motivation gone?  I find myself wrapping up my fall semester of classes and have pretty much lost all my momentum.  I'm still loving that I'm getting this degree and the material is certainly still very interesting.  I think I'm just ready to be done with these classes so I can move on to the next ones.  Big projects are coming due and a final exam next week will wrap things up.  I am amazed to find that I still have more space left in my brain for new information.  And I'm loving sharing everything I learn, though I have to remember that most people don't want to know all raw information I've put together. 

I decided, after my rant on shake diets, that rather than continue to be frustrated with the poor diet choices that others make I would instead start a little help page on Facebook.  I can post little tips each day and answer questions that people may have.  This way I can pass the information I gather along to those who want to know more about healthier eating/lifestyle.  There are a lot of people out there who want to make the best choices, but are not unhealthy enough to warrant an insurance-covered visit to a dietitian.  I've named my page "The Dirty Dietitian".  I wasn't feeling particularly clever, and figured this sort of summed up my take on nutrition education - delivery raw, crude, or "dirty" details.  Though as I think more about it now, it sort of sounds like some guy's fantasy.  Like after the Naughty Librarian would be the Dirty Dietitian?  Ah, whatever.  If I can manage to help even one person, then I'm content.

Pffffft. Yes, that's the sound my brain just made.

I'm pretty sure my brain has turned to absolute mush.  When I began my Master's program I was so excited and could hardly wait to dig into the material.  That really hasn't changed.  Every morsel I read seems to get stowed away in my now carefully categorized brain.  What has changed is the amount of detail I'm putting into all of my work.  And wow, the level of work that's coming out of me.  In my undergrad years I thought I was working hard.  I would be presented a case study in one of my nutrition classes, and I thought I was rocking the assignment if I managed to point out what deficiency the patient had.  At the level I'm at right now, case studies like that look absolutely ridiculous.  Over the past few weeks I created a case study.  And when I say "created", I mean from the bottom up.  I crafted the entire patient!  Pulled him out of thin air, developed his identity, drew a time-line of the evolution of his problem, and in the end I offered solutions that I crafted from reading the current research literature on his health care conundrum.  Over the weekend I became insanely jealous of others in my class who might be working in a hospital right now.  They didn't need to go to such lengths... they had a pool of sick individuals right in front of them, and only had to pick out the most interesting one and discuss nutrition interventions to help the patient.

Does it bother me that I probably put twice as much work into my study as some others?  Nope!  Every moment of the 15 hours I devoted to that project was worth it.  I learned a lot.  For example, did you know that if you want to convert mmol/L to mg/dL in regards to LDL cholesterol, you would divide the mmol/L by 0.0259?  Did you know you divide it by something else if you're dealing with Triglycerides since the molecular weight is different?  Was is 0.0113?  The real question is do you really need to use valuable brain space to remember this?  And how do I get my eye to stop twitching from the lengths I had to go to in order to find these conversion calculations???  But honestly, I really did learn a ton, especially about my innate desire to take that mediocre undergrad mindset and stomp it out of existence in this body. 

Leptin, the little brother of Ghrelin

Okay, so yesterday I ranted about ghrelin and importance of enough sleep to make sure you ghrelin stays manageable.  Ghrelin is what lets you know that you are hungry.  Leptin is opposing force of ghrelin.  Sort of like a little brother, it is always in competition with ghrelin.  But leptin does oh so much more.  Years back I recall a study being done with mice that showed those mice who didn't produce enough leptin were obese, and almost overnight people were trying to figure out how to gives themselves some more to help with weight loss.  Here's what we are learning about leptin.  Leptin is a hormone produced in our fat cells (adipose) that signals the brain that we are satisfied.  Leptin tries to help us maintain a leaner figure.  So, the more fat cells we have, theoretically the more leptin we are producing and thus the more satisfied we should feel.  Leptin also sends out a signal when we are eating.  So ghrelin tells us we are hungry, we eat something, and leptin tells us we are satisfied.  Seems simple enough.  The problem comes when we eat too frequently and/or we have too much fat tissue.  It seems that putting out large amounts of leptin would help us to lose weight because we would constantly be telling that part of the brain that we are satified - this is why everyone was so excited when the research first came out with those obese mice.  The problem is that the satiety center of the brain gets tired of listening to leptin yelling at it, and it starts to desensitize.  I liken this to when my boys are screaming/whining about pretty much anything and I start to tune them out.  This doesn't stop the boys from doing it, and it doesn't stop leptin from doing it either but it does make it harder to sense that we are satisfied.  So you would think we could just overcome this by continuing to send the brain more signals.  But our body is a wonderfully, mysterious thing.  While leptin is screaming at our brain, it's also working to tell our pancreas that we don't need quite so much insulin.  After all, we need insulin to process any carbohydrate we just ate, and if we're telling the brain that we are satified, then theoretically there won't be more carbs coming in and thus there won't be a need for more insulin.  You would think this is harmless, however constantly telling our pancreas that we don't need more insulin just keeps it alert.  It would be like putting a pot on the stove instead of keeping it in the cupboard - it's ready to be used even though you haven't called upon it to heat something yet.  So when food does enter our system and needs insulin to allow for utilization of all that nice energy, our pancreas has been sitting there, chomping at the bit - ready for action!  At a moments notice, it overwhelms the system with a push of insulin in an attempt to drive that nice sugar (glucose from carbohydrate) into our cells.  Too bad all that fatty tissue around our bellies makes it harder for insulin to get the job done.  Ah well, we'll just produce some more insulin (hyperinsulinemia) to bring down our blood sugar (hyperglycemia) all the while telling leptin to respond more because we are really satisfied but having trouble sensing it.

Phew, I'm out of breath just thinking about it.  Our body really is miraculous in the ways it tries to keep us on track.  Too bad we are so pig-headed that we constantly feel the need to work against it.  So what does all this mumbo jumbo above mean?  In order for us to improve the sensitivity of our brain, we are going to have to cut down on some of that fatty tissue we carry around, and stop constantly encouraging our pancreas to pump out more insulin... in other words, how about a little exercise and maybe no snacking between meals??  Seriously, everytime you put food in your system you are activating this pathway - don't you think it could use a little down-time between meals?  And... stop looking for that quick fix.  I mean really, if you're looking for a quick way to satisfy that part of the brain that leptin works with, I've heard a little crack/cocaine will do the trick too (note, I do not advise use of crack/cocaine for dieting purposes, just maybe for a hard day at work - hahahaha, okay not for that either).

That's right, lit review . . .

... that was me that just rocked your world.  I bet you never saw it coming. 

You might want to picture me jumping around throwing punches in the air as I have just conquered an assignment that has been weighing on me all week.  For my master's program we have an option of doing a research project instead of writing a thesis.  Now, as interesting as writing a thesis about food recalls and 24-hour food diaries might be (bleh) I chose the research option.  It sounded really interesting and I love the idea of discovering something new that helps all kinds of people.  And bland writing about boring topics really makes me want to roll my eyes and leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

So one of the first classes I have is about setting up your research proposal.  Making sure you have an appropriate idea with measureable objectives.  And for this week, we needed to do a literature review to show what research had already been done, and identify an area of need.  Normally this would excite me.  However, I don't know exactly what I want to study.  It changes every week!!  So I had to pick one of the many topics I have an interest in.  Then I had to look up current research on the topic, and put it together in a short review which read like a story as opposed to a book report with lots of quotes.  Ick.  I didn't want to do it.  It's that first sentence that kills me.  That first one that gets the mental engine to turn over and gets the ideas flowing. 

But I did it.  That first sentence came pretty easily, and it was amazing how I was still staring at a basically blank word document, but my brain had already drawn lines from my research notes to the place in the review where they would just naturally fall into place.  It was as if I could see the whole review outlined in my brain and all I had to do was to just sit down and give my fingers a moment to put it together.  It's done!  And not to pat myself on the back (which I'm doing anyway), but I think I rocked it.  I think if I wanted to choose this for my topic,  I put together a fantastic case for the research's need.

Miraculous Trick for Weight Loss

Got your attention, didn't I?  Do people really believe this crap?  I see advertisements for it everywhere so clearly someone is eating this stuff up.  I truly believe it was my frustration with patients and their intense desire for a quick fix that caused me to become burned out when I was still working full-time at the hospital.  They would come into my office for some diet education, but they weren't there to be educated, they wanted me to tell them the big secret.  That miracle food to eat... the secret exercise trick that could be done in 3 minutes without sweating or getting off the couch.  Couldn't I give them a pill?  They had, after all, tried "everything"!!  I mean why wasn't the weight coming off?  They were making at least 20 laps to the fridge every single night after eating dinner.  Doesn't that distance count for exercise?  Ooooh, I was right - some of my the bitterness still exists today.

So I would ask them what they ate on a typical day, and they would either lie to me, or be completely honest.  There was no in between.  Those that lied to me, were obviously smart enough to recognize what they were eating that I was going to tell them to modify, "I only eat a salad with light dressing for the whole day."??  Those that were completely honest had not yet come to understand how poor their choices were, and thus saw no issue with 3 ice cream sandwiches after their 16 ounce steak and loaded mashed potatoes.  So we would start talking about my recommendations, the first of which was always to avoid snacking between meals.  I would get looks of desperation.  What?  What did you say?  No snacking?  But the magazine I read at the grocery store said to eat 5-6 small meals and the lady on the cover has lost weight!  I believe I had one outpatient that actually followed this advice and reported back to me about it, because she had lost weight.  The rest were not strong enough to craft their meals to be satisfying nor could they avoid the temptation mid-morning and mid-afternoon.  Why no snacking?  Well, if we give our bodies and opportunity to use stored fat for energy... it will!  If we eat every time we have a little dip in our blood sugar, then it doesn't need to use the stored fat because you're shoveling more energy into your mouth.  Plus, we can only fit a certain amount of food in our bellies before we feel uncomfortable.  So if you filled up your stomach at your meal, the odds are you would be eating less total calories than if you ate some at your meal and then added in snacks. 

When did we become such weak individuals?  There are so many things that play into whether we gain, lose or maintain our weight.  Food and exercise are two of the primary things we do have some control over so why are we unable to make the right choices?  Why are we so quick to choose surgical procedures?  Liposuction?  Honestly, those that look at this as an option are typically too large to utilize this for the type of results they want.  You can only remove so much volume before you have major life-threatening issues.  Gastric bypass entered the scene a while back, and actually is a great option for those who were morbidly obese or with co-morbidities like Diabetes.  This has become one option that has improve life-expectancy and health for those patients - but not without huge lifestyle changes and occasional complications.  Gastric banding entered the scene afterwards. 

Now what is the difference?  Gastric bypass is cutting and stapling the stomach.  The intestine is then re-routed to a new outlet from the stomach.  The procedure creates a smaller stomach pouch, and also removes a portion of the small intestine from the digestion line.  It works because you can't eat as much at one time, and you have to think harder about eating methods and your food choices.  Eat too much?  You'll throw up.  Eat too much sugar?  It will dump from the stomach into the intestine and you'll start sweating and feel like you're going to pass out.  Manage your diet well?  You'll lose weight because you're eating less and you're missing that part of the intestine, thus causing some malabsorption.  Gastric banding?  Honestly, my least favorite.  Still a surgical procedure, where they essentially put a belt around your stomach.  Shrinks the available size of your stomach, but is completely reversible as no cuts are made.  No removal of part of the intestine, so no malabsorption.  With gastric banding, they have made it so you can't eat as much at one sitting, so weight loss occurs because you are eating less.  What?  What did I just say?  "Weight loss occurs because you are eating less."  Holy crap!  It's a miracle!  You are forced now, to eat less, and weight loss happens.  Imagine if we could toughen up and do it on our own?  Would we get the same results, without an expensive procedure?  YES!!!  What's the difference?  If you make the changes on your own, you'll stick to it.  If you have the procedure done yet don't make changes in your habits, you will lose weight initially, but the stapled stomach can stretch back out after a few years and the lap band can be removed, and then what are you going to do?

The rewards are sweeter when we toughen up and make those hard choices.  Is it a long road ahead of you.  Most definitely.  But so worth it.

Nutrition Master

I am amazed by what is happening as I read through my first chapter for my Medical Nutrition Therapy class.  During my undergraduate program, classes were about learning the material, but it was so I could pass an exam or write a paper and then move onto the next topic.  I had no real world experience to relate it to, so my only hope was that I retained a little of it when I landed my first job.  Now, as I read through the literature describing nutrition assessment and evaluation, my brain is waking back up.  Little bits of information that I had stored away as memories from my 7 years of hospital experience are suddenly flooding back into my short-term memory.  A simple paragraph about nutrition care plans bring back memories of writing hundreds of these.  It's an amazing feeling to be able to relate every single word of the text to my days on the job.  So excited to continue reading and digging deeper to see what else I tucked away in my brain for later use.  No more feelings of "what did I get myself into".  Instead just a confident sense of perfect timing for this step in my education.

Essential Life Lessons Learned from MST3K

Mystery Science Theater 3000 (aka MST3K) was something I started watching when I was in college, forever ago.  For anyone who has never come to appreciate or even seen MST3K, I'm literally weeping for you.  It's hilarious.  The gist of it is this guy who was a janitor is selected by scientists to be sent into space.  Then the mad scientists perform this experiment on him just to see how much he can take before he cracks.  They make him sit with these robot friends (that the janitor built) and watch horrible movies.  In order for him to endure these movies he and his friends make witty/super sarcastic comments the entire time.  This is the place I picked up rare phrases like "the elusive male camel toe" and I honestly believe it was a big part of what prompted my rapid slide into a long life of sarcasm.

Okay, so what could one show, with so little redeeming value possibly teach anyone?
1.  You have to be able to think on your feet.    You can't walk around with your every thought and comment mapped out on a power point presentation.  Hello??  Life will happen and screw up your whole master plan.  You have to be able to process things fast.  MST3K taught me this, because that one guy and his robots were coming up with comments pretty fast.  Sure they were probably well scripted, but I'm just going to ignore that fact.
2.  Quick wit is not something that a humorous person can be without.  I've met a lot of people that took a long time to get a joke, and/or rarely had a comeback.  If you are lacking in the area of wit, I highly recommend at least learning to appreciate it in others.  If you are doing something that is causing your wit to run slow, please please please get a tune up.  Nothing worse than a day that just drags by with witty remarks that enter your brain too late and thus are wasted.
3.  You have to continue to learn.  Okay, I might be stretching a little bit here, but humor me on this one.  So, if you have a running commentary about a movie and one of the most "prominent" parts of the movie is the main character's seemingly painted on pants, you are going to have to come up with new ways to describe the nut hugging jeans or else your audience will get bored.  Expand that vocabulary!!  You don't have to use big words that no one has ever heard of to sound intelligent, but you do need to use a variety or else you start sounding like a toddler.  Also, I don't believe you can ever know too much.  The moment you stop learning, you stop growing.
4.  If you are stuck in a crappy place where you don't want to be and no way to change your situation, you might as well make the best of it.  Hello!!  Here was a guy who just wanted to mop the floors at the mad scientists' factory, and instead he was sent into space to watch horrible movies!!  He found that he could joke around about how bad the movies were.  So can't we all try to find the good in our situations too?