Ever been out to a store with a 3 and 5 year old?  Preparing for such an occasion is like getting ready for battle and usually ends with my eye twitching and teeth ground off.  But now I get to add the embarassment of obvious comments from their mouths too.  A typical trip to the grocery store is my least favorite event of the week.

One day we crossed paths with a retiree with an eye patch.  Thankfully he was a good sport and more than aware that my 5 year old could see his eye patch, so when Parker shouted out that he had one I was able to tone it down by remarking that he must be a pirate.  This made things easier when we kept seeing him in every aisle and had to keep having the same conversation and saying "arrrrr matey".  Next came a trip where my 3 year old kept hanging his hand out of the cart to stroke all the price tags as we passed them.  Too bad he also decided to stroke some man's bootie.  No this isn't another pirate reference, he really caressed some older mans buns who was bent over looking for floor cleaning supplies.  Ooops!  Loudly informed Grady that people don't like to have their buns rubbed when they're grocery shopping.  The man said it was the most action he'd seen in months.  Poor guy.  ;)

So this leads me to our most recent trip.  We had made it through the whole store with one aisle to go when we came across a man in the motorized shopping cart.  Now every time we had gone into a store that offered these, Parker would want to jump on one since it looked like fun, and I would remind him that those are for people who can't walk very well.  So he sees this guy coming and loudly points him out and tells me he's using it because he can't walk so well.  "You're probably right, buddy", I said in a voice loud enough for the gentleman to hear me.  I could tell he wasn't amused.  No smile, nothing.  But Parker didn't care.  The man stopped the wheelchair and had to stand up to get some yogurt off a high shelf.  Well, now I was informed by my observant (socially slow) boy that he had a HUGE BUTT!!  Do you have any idea how much I wanted to look??  Oooooh, it was so hard to avert my eyes.  But now I was stuck, because we needed to shop, couldn't run away and hide, and I also couldn't just agree with him loudly because Mr. No-Sense-of-Humor was definitely not going to smile about that one!!  He literally looked like one of the angry old people that chased George Costanza when he pretended he needed a motorized wheelchair, only much larger.  Had a long conversation a moment later about how saying things like that might hurt that man's feelings, but I know it didn't sink in.  How do you recover from that?  Anyone come across this with their little detectives?  At least I know if I'm curious if my ass looks fat in some jeans, my go-to-guy is Parker from this day forward.